What BDSM gets wrong and how it is Different From Being A Powerful Man.

Yesterday I talked about the importance of Dominance and Leadership.

That inspired me to revisit my thoughts on the BDSM community where DOM/sub is played out to the extreme.

As you know, I have always had some reservations about the BDSM community, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Now I think I have. At least one part of it.

The problem with the BDSM community is that it’s all about the costumes and props and scenes; the “accouterments.”

It’s not actually about sexuality.

The sexuality is played out on the accouterments, away from the real source of sexuality.

And therefore the players fetishize the accouterments of BDSM.

Why do they do that? Because the sexuality is “too close” for the players. And here’s what I mean by that…

True sexuality requires that one’s very core become vulnerable.

That’s what is missing in the BDSM community.

In the BDSM community, the threat is not about a vulnerability of one’s true self; instead, the threat plays out as vulnerability to one’s physical safety. And there’s nothing “truly sexual” about that.

To compensate, the threat to physical safety may at times go to extremes.

And by definition, all of the above applies to the fetish community as well. The leather and rubber become the sexuality.

BDSM also takes away some of the spontaneity. There’s nothing spontaneous about a collection of accouterments laid out before a woman.

This places some of the responsibility of sexuality on the woman – for her to continue, she by default agrees up-front to everything that every accoutrement could possibly be used for.

A Masterful-Lover takes care to leverage as much spontaneity as possible.

It gives him more variability from which to lead and be dominant. Slight step-by-step leadership keeps the man responsible for EVERYTHING sexual.

And a safe word? I know all the good and valid reasons for it in the BDSM community. But why would a safe word be required if there is total trust?

The safe word makes everything “safe,” and where’s the vulnerability in that?

I’m all for dominance and submission of course. It’s the full expression of complete trust and complementary roles between two people.

But leather and whips do not make a dominant.

I’m all for bondage, but a true dominant would make sure the woman would have no clue that anything is going to happen. This is one thing that the man in the book “9 1/2 Weeks” was very good at; he used common household items which were brought forth at the appropriate time within the scene.

That brings up another point. BDSM makes everything a scene. That makes sexuality episodic. A Masterful-Lover understands that everything is sex.

And don’t even get me started on the swinger community.

They couldn’t care less about being better lovers. They are horny people focused solely on hooking up. That does not make them “sexual” people. Going for quantity with no regard to connection and vulnerability is not “sexual.”

What you need to be able to do is create a high-level connection with your woman.

Click “Sign Up!” button on the left to join the Tribe.

There must be trust. There must be vulnerability .

And through all of that your quiet, but powerful dominance. And of course your fearless leadership.

If a good woman has a powerful man like that to follow, the sky is the limit.

Click here to learn more…

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